It will never end
by Lillynoway88
Summary: Leaving Sunnydale and trying to start a new life, Buffy can't get her mind of Spike... And she carries a secret that she can't hide for long... In the begining its mainly Buffy, but the others will soon catch up.
1. Authorsnote

Hello to all readers

I apologize for my writing mistakes at once, English is not my language but I try...

I will write each chapter in POV, if you find any story mistakes or spelling mistakes please tell me, so I can take it with me, and change it.

I will be happy for every comment, it makes it easier to write next chapter... I already have the next four chapters ready.


	2. Out of the dust

Willow POV

She had asked to sit in the back of the bus, to think as she said it... But I know something is wrong, and I know what it is... Spike... Spike is dead, dust... I don't know what Buffy felt for Spike anymore, I always thought that she despite him, and the only reason she stud up with him was because she knew that he was disgusting.  
That the whole slayer slash vampire thing wasn't suppose to be, but now, now I don't know... I can see it in her eyes, the pain.  
He was the one that stud up for her when we all turned our back on her. God, how could we have been so stupid? Instead we followed Faith... Nothing wrong there anymore, I mean, she has changed... But I should have knew ed that Buffy was right, but instead I turned my back on her, and the only one who still believed in Buffy was Spike... So I guess with out him we wouldn't have been here ? He helped Buffy to realize what she was... When we all got in the bus, she turned around and looked at the whole who once was Sunnydale and mumbled champion, and got tear in her eyes... I didn't get that point, but it has a meaning for her... Something all of us other will never understand.

" Willow... Do you want some?" Hearing Kennedy's voice made my almost jump in my seat, I turned around and saw her holding out some cookies, the only food we had I guess.

" No... Not right... But I will take some and see If Buffy wants" I answered taking some cookies, and saw Kennedy nodding understanding, as I got up from my seat and could see them all... Giles driving the bus, Xander sitting with an arm around Dawn, protective... I knew he had cried, I could see it in his eyes... He couldn't hide anything from me... Behind them sat Andrew... I guess he is kind of a part of us now, well he will do more harm to himself and others if he is running alone, and besides... He doesn't have anyone ells then us.  
On the other site sat the girls, who were now slayers, and then it was Faith, sitting next to Robin.  
I continue walking behind in the bus, and saw Buffy laying with her back to the window, with close eyes and tears running down her chin.

" Buffy?" I said low and gentle, I could see that she already had heard me, as she just nodded weakly.

I sat down on the empty seat in front of her, and turned around so I would look right down at her.

" It is him isn't it?" I said low, so no one would hear us.

" You know... The night Angel came, he got jealous... And when I told him that Spike has a.. I mean, had a soul, he started babbling about that he was the first to get a soul, and now every vampire would get one... Guys" I could hear Buffy tried to swallow a small laugh, and open her eyes.

" I'll miss him you know... I... I don't know what I felt for him anymore... When he came to the house, and just held around me the whole night... Something changed that night Willow" Buffy sat up a bit, looking at me.

" What do you mean? Did you..?" I looked at her, she shacked her head, but looked down, I knew it was something more.

" Not then... But after he had seen me and Angel kiss, after I walked to him... And slept there that night... But it was so different, from both Angel and him before... It felt so... Alive... It was so different Willow" Buffy was now mumbling the rest, I could see that it wasn't long before she would start crying again.

" But Buffy... How... Why didn't he turn evil? Like Angel?" I couldn't completely understand it... He hadn't changed like Angel.

" I know" I turned around and saw Faith standing there, I was about to tell her of with something about listening to others conversation, specially this one... But I could feel that Buffy wanted to know, so I kept quiet.

" For Angel... It was love, he was happy... But for Spike... You where his world... When it happened, it gave him the strength to know that the only way you could live, was with his death... So for that moment, he became alive" Faith was talking slowly, before turning around and getting back into his seat.

I was about to say something, but when I saw Buffy's eyes I turned around instead and closed my eyes... We all needed sleep, for whatever was coming.


	3. The new life

Dawns POV

A new life... That was what the other called it, yeah right... Leaving one hellmouth to another... We were stuck on that bus for ages... Well, almost a month at least, as no one could actually decided where we would head, and then it became clear, they had to be the place they could save the world, again... So bye bye motels, and welcome new life.

But now we where here, here is actually an old watchers place... Or spooky old too big place would be better to call it... Well, Giles calls it a 'Mansion', what ever... It is big, dusty and have hundreds of rooms, and I bet that with our luck it is probably over some thing demonic. If it's not it will be kind of weird. Besides, I didn't know they could be rich... I always thought that they were all poor like Giles, but I was wrong and the guy is dead so this is ours now.

At least my room looks now pretty okay, I mean, it's not like my old one... But hey, when the town explodes because your sister helped opening up and fighting against hellmounth I guess you can't be picky huh? I have used almost tree weeks getting it as I want, but then again... It wasn't much ells to do here... But today It's a new day, a new school... Believe me, it was hard to tell them the whole in my school record, from the day the school was down, until now.

" DAWN! Dinner.." Xander opened up my door, with out knocking... God, why was that so hard?!

" Some privacy please?" I got up and followed him down stairs, I could see half of the girls, Faith, Andrew and Willow sitting there.

" I didn't think that it was Buffy's night " I signed sitting down, she was always gone, every night until the morning came up, I knew that Willow had worried about it and talked to Giles, he had set up a schedule on night shifts.

" It's not" Faith answered, stretching over and grabbed the bowl with potatoes, I could hear by her voice that she hadn't agreed on Buffy going out another night.

" So, Dawn... Your first day tomorrow, how does it feel?" Giles tried to cheer me up, but talking about school wouldn't help.

" Well... Lets see, I live in a big old spooky house, filled with superheros girls, the principal, an old librarian, a carpenter, a goddess, and a geeky guy... Yeah, It's not like I can bring anyone home is it?" I looked at them, and saw they knew that I had a point.

" Hey, we can work pass that" Faith smiled to me, it was still weird having nice Faith around.. Even after all these weeks I expect her to turn around any second.

" Well, true Dawn that can make some problems, but remember... You are " Giles looked at me, but I knew what he was going to say.

" Special, make your own life, study hard find friends blah blah blah, I know okay?" I started eating, he had said it many times to me already.

Buffy had almost not talked to me lately, at all... I don't think that she has talked to anyone, latest last night Willow had told me that we just had to be patient, that she would come around, but there is something more.. I just know it.

"Buffy? Can I wear this?" I knocked on her door and entered, I could see that she had shoved the heavy red curtains so the sun couldn't shine in.

I entered further in, and looked around, she had a nicer room then me, of course she had... I could see that she sat up in the bed and turned her lamp on.

" What are you talking about Dawn?!" Buffy yawned as she looked at me,why couldn't she at least pretend to be interested?

" Oh... You know... My first day and all, I was just wondering if this was okay" I spoke low, it was something about the room, about the way that Buffy talked on that made me not yell out my opinions.

" Dawn... I am sorry, do you want me to go with me?" She continue sitting further up in the bed, that was when I saw her... She looked at least 10 years older, so tired, so... Broken.

" No no no... I mean, showing up with the principal and a old weird English man who have promised not to act strange or mention that he knows me when he is walking around in the school trying to look for unnatural things? I think that is enough" I smiled weak, I didn't want to smile, but I knew that by doing it Buffy would thing that everything would be okay.

" Okay then... Have a nice day Dawn" Buffy turned from me, and curled up in the middle of the bed, pulling the blanket closer to her.

I stared at her for a few seconds, before walking over and turning her lamp of, I knew that she wouldn't bother to do it... I walked then quietly out of the room, and I knew that nothing would ever be the same with my sister.


	4. The secret

Xander's POV

" Have a great day Dawn, and remember... If the other's don't like you don't worry, we have a bunch of girls who can kick there ass, and with some nagging I'm sure that our little goddess here will also help you out" I could see in Dawn's eyes that she wasn't looking forward to her first day, but hey, what kind of normal teenager would look forward to dive into a poor filled with sharks? That would at least be one of the ways to look on it.

" We are leaving now, Andrew... What was it that you wanted to show us?" Giles looked behind me, at Andrew who sat on dinning table with a little screen in front of him.

" To seconds... It's almost ready" Andrew answered and got up, and headed to wards us.

" I have come up with a new system, since the last one, eh.. Kind of got screwed up" Andrew spoke up, screwed up was one way to put it, it didn't let anyone it or out.

" Look, I've set up cameras all over the place, the garden and the gate, and I have installed a new system so the gate can only be open up from the inside of, so we can't have any vampires on visit"

" Andrew... Have you forgotten that we can't have vampires on visit anyway?! We have to invite them in... And besides, IF a creature would want to come in, I don't think your little tool would have helped that much" I answered rolling my eyes, I still couldn't get why we just couldn't throw him out.

" Xander, thats enough... As long as we can get in and out I guess that it's alright" Giles spoke up, and looked over at me giving me a warning look, before continue talking to Andrew.

" It will..." Andrew walked of, probably to his room or something.

" He is a part of us now, give him a break Xander" Dawn said and reached for her bag, I had noticed how Andrew and Dawn had become friends lately.

" Well, bye.. See you later" She continue and headed out of the door, with Robin after while Giles waited until they were out of before looking on me again.

" I've spoken to Willow... But I am saying this to you too... Hold an eye on Buffy okay?" He was serious, and I was going to come with a joke, but then again... You don't mess with serious Giles.

" I will" I looked at him into his eyes, as that would be enough he left, I could hear the car starting and driving up to the gate, and then out on the streets, I guess Andrew's gate worked.

I could hear the girls in the wing of the house, and I guess Willow was in here room doing something, she had changed... She wasn't just a witch now, she was a goddess more or less.

What she did that night was incredible, and she knew now how to manage with magic with out getting black eyes, it was like she connected to a spiritual site of her.

I walked up the stairs and looked on Buffy's door, and decided that it was it, she had been in her own little world ever since we got here, no ever since we left Sunnydale and this was it.

We had all lost some one there, and she couldn't continue this, she would never get over it... I opened her door and saw her laying on the bed, curled up, she was about to turn around, but I continue to wards the curtains and pulled them apart before walking over to the next site of the room and doing the same, weird how a room gets a different look when there is actually light there.

" XANDER?! What the hell are you doing?!" Buffy screamed almost over at me, I could see that it was totally unexpected.

" This is enough Buff... You can't continue like this" I answered standing on the middle of the floor and staring at her, with my arms crossed.

" You have no Id..." Buffy's sentence ended there, I saw her getting of the bed and running over to the bathroom shutting the door behind here, I could hear her throwing up.

" Buffy... You could have just told me you were sick... I hope it itsn't something going " I pictured the whole house getting this, and it wasn't a pretty sight... I heard some one standing behind me and knew instantly that it was Willow, I turned around and smiled weak, she was probably on her way to try the same as me.

" Xander... It's not what you think" Buffy's voice was weak, I could hear the sink and saw her coming out of the door, pale.

" Will.. Xander... I'm..." Buffy couldn't really look at us, she was fumbling with her hand, Willow walked over to her.

" I know Buffy... I know" Willow said and cached Buffy as she broke down and sat on the floor holding her as she cried, I didn't understand anything... What were they talking about?!

" Okay, what am I missing here?" My voice was low, and I sat down on my knees next to them and stared at them, Buffy whipped her tears and stared at me straight into my eyes.

" I'm... I'm pregnant Xander"


	5. A part of me

Buffy's POV

It's out... I wanted more time, but I realize that I could have all the time in the world, but it wouldn't matter, it wouldn't change anything.

Willow knew it the whole time, she said that she could touch me and feel it.

I still can't get used to the idea.. A baby? A part of me was yelling that it wasn't real... A vampire can't . But still, here I am, living prove... I keep thinking on what Faith said, about that night he was alive, I can't come up with any other possibility.

Then it is the part of me that knows that its real, the part that make me even stronger when I fight, to keep them in distance from me, the part that actually gets scared when they come to close... I have never felt this before, not even when I was a new beginner.

Spike's baby.

Only Willow and Xander know about it, Will was as she always is... And Xander freaked out, but Will made him promise not to tell anyone about it, she knows that I need to do it myself.

I need to tell Giles myself, but how, that's a mystery yet.

Dawn was back from school, I could hear them laughing down stairs, all of them... I had promised my self to try to act normal, for her sake, for everyone... I don't need them worrying about me, thats the last I need.

" So Dawn, how was your first day?" I walked down the stairs with a smile, and could see how Dawns face lighted up, and how a wrinkle from Giles worried face disappeared.

" Buffy... You have to be around 10 weeks or so?" Willow looked at me, we were sitting in my bed w, with baby and pregnancy books all over the bed, it was over two weeks I had told her and Xander.

" 11 weeks and 4 days" I answered, I had read that you were supposed to calculate from the date you last had your period.

" It says here that it can shows from 12 weeks... Buffy, you know you have " Willow looked up on me again, she was again hinting about telling Giles and the others, and she was right... But I liked it to be my little secret... Or well, mine and mine.

Xander didn't really speak to me the first week, I guess he didn't know what to say, but then the beginning of the week I found a pack on my bag, and I opened it and it was a pair of tiny baby yellow shoes and a note that I couldn't name the child after Spike and I knew that everything was okay between us now.

" Buffy?"

" I know Willow.. I know, but how can I say it?! Hey Giles, whats for dinner? Oh, between I'm pregnant with my dead vampire-boyfriends child" I stared at her, but I could see she wasn't starring at me anymore, and I realized that some one was standing behind us I felt all the blood in my face disappeared.

" That would be a start" Giles voice was unsteady, I didn't know what would come next.

I turned slowly around in the bed and stared at him, before looking down.

" I think I will give you two some time to talk" Willow was faster out of the bed then I have ever seen here, and closed the door quietly, neither me or him said anything.

" Buffy... This is.. I mean..." Giles couldn't find any words, and pulled a chair and sat down in front of me, I could see that he didn't know how to respond, or what to say.

" I know... And I'm not sure how it happened, or what will happened in the future..." It was quiet between us for almost two minutes, I kept starring down the blanket of the bed, on the brown squares.

" A pregnant slayer, that's a new one" Giles finally said something and got up from the chair.

" I have never heard of anyone, I mean... Robin's mother had him before she became a slayer, you will be the first one Buffy" He looked at me again, before walking over to one of the windows and starring outside.

" No one can knows Buffy... I mean, we have to keep it from the outside world. If they hear about the pregnancy, a slayer and a vampires child... Everyone will try to steal, I mean kidnap the child... He, or she will be special, more then special" Giles finally turned around and stared at me.

" Giles I am scared" I stared at him and could feel a tear running down my face, I could be strong in many other situations but not in this.

As I closed my eyes I could feel Giles arms around me, that was when I knew that I could to this.

" How am I supposed to tell Dawn? And all the others?" I was looking out the window in my room, I still hadn't told anyone ells yet, I just didn't know how.

" I don't know Buffy... You need to tell them the eventually" She answered, getting up from the bed.

" So, you are ready?" She continue and walked to wards the door, I took a deep breath and nodded, Giles and Willow had convinced me to order a doctor appointment, they had mention it already the day Giles found out, but It had taken them over two weeks before they had me convinced.

" And later as a threat we shop some" Willow was bubbly today, it was almost annoying. I didn't want to shop now, I didn't want to see a teacher, I just... I don't know what I want.

" Yeah Will... Tell Andrew we are heading out" I walked straight to the door, wanting to avoid the others, specially Dawn and Faith. Andrew had worked on a new system, and something had apparently gone wrong, since now he was the only voice the gate opened and closed to, but as he always said, he was working on it.

" Buffy! Where are you going? Into the city? Can I come? I was supposed to meet with Cassie and Alison today" Dawns voice made me curse inside myself, this was so typical my luck.

" Erm... No, sorry Dawn, you should stay here and do your homework " I answered quickly and was to open the door and luckily heard Willow's voice.

" Sorry Dawn, I will talk to you later, but we are in a hurry" I lied again to her, I would certainly not get any price for 'big sister of the year'.


End file.
